I appreciate your thought and effort, but unfortunately, it's not like I haven't tried that already. In total, I've been in more therapies than I can think of, took medication, was in the looney bin more than once, tried to go to college, tried to get some "working from home" jobs, and every time it ended in manic panic attacks and months of even worse depression. Yes, even when I tried to work from home the contact with other people through those channels made me go nuts, I don't even know why.
Something is just fucked up in my head, dunno if it's genetic, some trauma I don't even know about, or whatever. Whenever I have any kind of Identity, when I feel like having a trace of accountability for whatever I'm doing, and that includes stuff like fucking breathing too loud in public, I snap. Completely. I tried just not caring, but somehow it is burrowed so deep in my psyche, I couldn't overcome it.
I know that's about the lamest disorder one can think of, as it seems in a way like some perfect "yay, no responsibility"-disorder. You can be sure I hated myself for that in the past.
Perhaps I might try yet again, but after the years pass and every time you try you end up worse than before, you begin to get tired...
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