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61124 No.12749   [Delete]   [Edit

ITT: WILD WILD VENTING (and anger management issues)

I'll start.

I live in a shitty place, and since the house is small i have to sleep in the same room with my 13 years old sister (also butt ugly) who refuses to let me sleep past 7:30 in the morning even if she knows perfectly that i suffer for insomnia. Because of this, i am stressed all the time when i don't have to go to school, and sometimes i have to go to school after having slept for barely 2 hours. Since i can't sleep, i can't concentrate and have been having increasingly horrible grades since when the insomnia problem started, and because of this i'll probably have to repeat the school year. If i don't have to, i will always have to take repairation exams at september, thus losing at the same time the chance to go to New York for holiday (the reason why i've been studying englis for the last, like, 5 years) and to go to a slightly better school where i will actually learn something.

ALSO! because of all of above, i've been having increeeeasingly bad anger problems. For now, i'm solving it with self-harm, and i AM getting increasingly violent with myself (i have wounds in very-hidden places that have not fully healed in weeks) and i get so angry i often have to throw up, so my parents may start thinking i'm anorexic or something. Ironically, my weight didn't drop a pound.
Oh, and i'm devloping a phobia for young children and pregnant women, and most people think i'm crazy because i actually think that mongoloids (down syndrome and such) should not have the right to live.

tl;dr i'm messed up and we all are.
Your turn guys.

>> No.12750   [Delete]   [Edit]

You missed this thread

Edit (I read your post):

>most people think i'm crazy because i actually think that mongoloids (down syndrome and such) should not have the right to live.

I'm the same, and we just lightly believe in eugenics.

Last edited 10/06/19(Sat)22:25.

>> No.12752   [Delete]   [Edit]

no offense but i don't give a shit. I sure as hell wasn't going to look in 60 pages of /ot/ just to see if there was already a similar thread.

edit: ohwow, it's great to see someone who doesn't threaten to lit me on fire just for saying that. Cool!

Last edited 10/06/20(Sun)00:06.

>> No.12753   [Delete]   [Edit]
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>mongoloids (down syndrome and such) should not have the right to live.

You best unfuck yourselves up, or i am going to roast you in an oven :D
(Though I will thank you for reminding me why i should hate the nazi's)

Last edited 10/06/20(Sun)00:41.

>> No.12754   [Delete]   [Edit]


Ugh, we agree on something for once (well, kind of; I'm not going to resolve someone wanting to kill others by killing said person).

>> No.12756   [Delete]   [Edit]


The first thing to do is stop harming yourself.

Remember that you're young and you have a lot of time. Take it easy.

Some causes of insomnia are noise, light, uncomfortable temperature, malnutrition, caffeine, and mental agitation.
You can wear earplugs and eyeshades, adjust the bedclothes, avoid caffeine, and eat a good meal before going to bed, but you're going to have to calm down so that you can sleep.

You are experiencing the typical problem of poor people, that they have a harder time getting things done because they don't have the things they need in order to be productive, such as a room to themselves so that they can sleep well, which makes it harder for them to make the money they need in order to afford the things they need. The only thing that can solve your problems is money, and you're just going to have to be strategic about making it.

>> No.12759   [Delete]   [Edit]
>Take it easy.

Best advice.

>> No.12760   [Delete]   [Edit]
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>> No.12761   [Delete]   [Edit]

That face...

>> No.12766   [Delete]   [Edit]
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i'm sociophobic with a pinch of misanthropy. yet i work in a residential home for elderly, feeding screaming wrinklebags with dementia. couldn't sleep right for months, waking up with headaches. i have visions of them being zombies lusting for my mind sometimes, the urge to frenzy rises every day.

so, desuchan. what's your everyday life?

>> No.12768   [Delete]   [Edit]


Sleep, eat, study, piss people off, manga, anime, eat, sleep

Something like that

>> No.12770   [Delete]   [Edit]
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My turn~~

Ok, First off, I am crushingly depressed for seemingly no reason, I am so horribly alone that I sometimes force myself to sleep days away just to quell the pain. I failed my first year of college, I break down and have sex with my crazy ass ex who wants to get back with me, My truck which I owe 4k on is shitting the bed. Most days, I can hardly force myself to get out of bed. And when I do, I have to put on a 'happy' mask in front of my family and co-workers. Ive tried to get help, but I cant afford it and my family just tells me, and im quoting here, to "Suck it up and deal with it, you fucking pussy." and my favorite "You are such a failure, and a drain on our family." This last one comes from my unemployed brother, who has to live with us because he cant support his wife and 6mth baby. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more, making minimum wage. I average $400 a check (Bi weekly), I get to see and use MAYBE 30 of it for personal use. Oh, And I need a knee replacement due to problems. I have no insurance. Most nights I end up in front of my computer, drunk often, watching happy anime and crying myself to sleep. Im not suicidal, but I feel like I want to die, every minute of every day.

>> No.12771   [Delete]   [Edit]

I can't find a summer job, but it's okay because I still have money from my student loans as well as some that I've saved up over the school year. If I can't find a job, I'll just have another summer off and teach myself a new language, read, play video games, work out, have a great time, etc.

I'm just kind of bummed out about it because I really want to buy a lot of new things for myself, but I'm not going to buy them unless I get a job (I'm not stupid enough to blow my tuition money on corsets, skirts, and stockings when I have no source of income).

So pretty much, I'm depressed because I won't have spare money to buy myself pretty things this summer. sigh

>> No.12772   [Delete]   [Edit]



The head of my diploma hates me cause I take his course about as seriously as I do everything else. Because of this he had the courtesy to email me casually saying that he's kicked me out of semester two. Gon bop him I tell you whut.

It's a horrible course and tertiary, as well. I've had to repeat an interpersonal communications class three times cause they tie it in with every single course, but they dont allow transfer transfer of credit because they change the NCEA level every time and call it a "MORE ADVANCED" course (it's not, the outlines are always the same). And they supposedly get angry at me for playing Megaman 2 during the third runthrough of it - ridiculous, it was even the same tutor.

Now the entire course hates me cause when she tried to confiscate the laptop (which she can't actually legally do) I yelled GET AWAY FROM MY MEGAMAN WOMAN and the whole class reacted.

Shit's getting awkward.

>> No.12773   [Delete]   [Edit]


They obviously dont know how good Megaman is.

>> No.12774   [Delete]   [Edit]
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Ganbare, Desuchan!

>> No.12775   [Delete]   [Edit]



>> No.12776   [Delete]   [Edit]


Suicide is the obvious answer.

>> No.12777   [Delete]   [Edit]

It's okay guys, I've calmed down now. I think I'm over it, but thanks for worrying :3 It made me feel a lot better.

<3 I love you guys.

Last edited 10/06/21(Mon)06:06.

>> No.12778   [Delete]   [Edit]

G'job mate, would do similar in that situation

Well myself i feel like im about to go nuts every single fucking day. Ive got a whole bunch of problems, and im not sure which are real and which are just in my head and which are just things everyone gets. I have a shitton of stored up rage, and continually feel like snapping and going flandre style batshit insane and trying to rip people to pieces, except this would fail because im not that strong. I also am continually examining my own thought process's which tbh does not feel good. I feel like an arrogant manipulative ass all the time, and am unsure whether or not i am being a manipulative ass, or if im just having genuine feelings. Im also paranoid as fuck, paranoid that maybe just about everyone is using me, and laughing behind my back, especially my girlfriend who i also have to worry every time i call and she doesnt pick hope, that she might have attempted suicide again. I also fear getting arrested all the time for something i dont realize im doing wrong, so the sight of cop cars make me panic. Also ADHD doesnt help because i seem like i should be able to act normal, but tbh im not sure if i can that easily, but everyone else thinks im normal too, especially since every fucking scene kid out there who eats too much sugar thinks "OH I MUST BE ADHD LOL XDXDXDXD LOLOLOL GUYS!"
The only person i can truly trust (including myself) is my little brother who i know loves me unconditionally...the one with downsyndrome

>> No.12781   [Delete]   [Edit]

Damn. I wish i could add some WILD WILD VENTING to this thread. Ill just go with what "venting" I got. and maybe it will make someone feel better about themselves. Or maybe not.
I'm a big fat scary looking 28yo virgin that lives with his parents. I spent most of my elementary and high school in and out of LD classes. After accumulating $10,000 in dept from loans for classes at my local college, I spend my days using my degree in computer science to unload trucks at my local wal-mart for $8.00 an hr. I have no goals in this world anymore nor any desires to improve my self physically. like a lot of people I use to spend my time worrying what others think or fearing the future or agonizing over this or that, but not anymore. i realized what others thought or did (even if it was bodily harm to me) was irrelevant. We are all alive but a short time so it is pointless to spend it worrying about appearances or what's going to happen tomorrow. its going to happen anyways just except it and get on with your life. Now I'm probably going to loose credibility to some or maybe just sound like a nut. But I have given my worries and fears to a higher power. So that even me, a flawed disgusting pedo by not giving in to temptation may find mercy in the hands of an almighty God after this short life is over. all things will eventually end. including this universe and its entire span of time will be nothing more then an unperceivable "blip" next to the eternity that comes after this lifes over. so I have chosen to put all my faith in what I know in the very core of my being to be true. and it has given me a peace of mind that I feel I could never have obtained from the things of this world.

Last edited 10/06/21(Mon)13:46.

>> No.12784   [Delete]   [Edit]


>>and im quoting here, to "Suck it up and deal with it, you fucking pussy." and my favorite "You are such a failure, and a drain on our family."

That's horrible! :O To start with, that kind of mentality towards people with problems is a major act of douchebaggery alone, but when it comes from your OWN FAMILY...... I can't possibly imagine how I'd feel about it, but I feel so sorry for you. :/

For myself, I dropped out of military in 2006 for suspected psychosis and having told the infirmary guys about thoughts of shooting myself/random people when eventually handed a firearm. Spent few days in the infirmary and the local loony house, and I was given a diagnosis of mid-severe depression and abusive use of alcohol. Then I was given the status of delayed service (mandatory military service) and told to get checked on again in a few years, and then shown the door. I was out, but with continuing problems with alcohol and a lack of job and really any goals or ideas about that to do with my life.

Eventually I got rid of the mandatory military service for good, with the help of my doctor. Though I'll still be called back in case the defence forces need to act, but I think I'm more likely to get killed in a shark attack than having to wear the uniform ever again.

I come from a well-to-do family with loving, caring parents, so some people think I should be thankful and not cry over spilled milk, but I cannot deny the fact that what I feel is unpleasantly real for me; no matter how hard I tried. I've been on the edge of killing myself more often than I like to recall, starting since elementary school. I've had severe problems with self-esteem since I was a kid, mixed with heavy paranoid feelings in social encounters, and back when I was in kindergarten the caretakers though I was abused at home and shit like that because I never, ever played with other children while there. I wonder why I can still make friends with people, since I sometimes bitch about things and display angst while with friends just because it feels sorta good. Like a masochist who likes getting whipped. I was bullied in school for 9 years, and thus I still feel uneasy around people of my age who I don't know.

I've hardly ever succeeded in anything I've pursued. Mostly because of not trying hard enough, hoping some inner strenght or natural virtuosity might raise its head. Thus I've spent several thousands of money in various hobbies, none showing to be worth the investments.

Nowadays I spend my time wasting it on various no-good activities, like drinking beer and browsing imageboards to collect various images. I have small hopes of entering a school next winter, but I'm totally relying on it, having absolutely no plan B for if I don't pass the entry exams.

I'll turn 23 this summer, and I have long since set a deadline for getting a grip of my future and doing something with my life other than nothing. The plan is, if I still have to see myself dwelling in the same tar pit of wasted years when I start to near 30, I kill myself. Simple as that.

If I can't do shit about myself in 10+ years, I prolly never will. At least that way I won't be a burden for the society or anyone anymore. Plants that don't bear fruit like the rest are pulled out, after all.

>> No.12787   [Delete]   [Edit]

I can't really complain about my basic situation, big room in my parent's place, take the bus to the U in the morning, studying to be a computer engineer.

Ive got a lot of guilt and regret issues, including several people that I regret not murdering, though logically I know it would accomplish nothing at this point, I still feel guilty because my desires are at odds with my means. This list includes the ex wife of someone in my family, a state government agent, and a district attorney's staff member. That's not a big problem though. I am nowhere near psychotic breakdown, I can even forgive these people, and I specifically cannot kill myself. I just force myself to bear the pain of every significant consequence in my life over and over. The emptiness at the end of every computer game filled day of my wasted youth, and especially holidays, reminds me of the person that I lost over two and a half years ago.

I've never been a normal kid, my parents have always loved me for it, I was easy to manage, intellectual, I would rather read Plato, play computer games, go shooting with my parents than go out and be a hooligan or bitch all the time. I always showed my intelligence at school, though honestly my grades have never been great. Through great self masochism I managed to get through high-school with a full IB diploma, a 3.34 average, a 2050 on the SAT and entrance into the best public university around with 45 transfer IB/AP credits. I was never affectionate or social though, by the end of high-school I had earned the respect of most of the people around, but I only have a few close friends and I indulge in misandry, prudish standards of behavior, a love of old ways and old machines, and a desire to never enter the mainstream dating world.

Couple years ago though I met someone, a little seven year old girl that my family was considering taking in because her mother was a meth whore. We had been raising her infant sister from two weeks old and planned on adopting both of them plus their other sister who was between them in age. We had that infant for a whole year, she was my mother's daughter in every sense other than progenitorship. The older girl was with us during the afternoon for a couple of months. I was in the middle of IB bullshit, so I didn't have much time, but I spend as much as I had with her, teaching her some number sense and vocabulary, and playing video-games with her. It was the first time that I had ever allowed myself to be openly affectionate with anyone, I couldn't do otherwise. I can still remember the weight and the warmth of her when she jumped into my arms. She was a very intelligent and resilient girl, and extremely polite. She was used to being a mother for her younger sister and fighting off her brother who had anger issues from a young age. There was something brittle though in the way that she called every significant female figure mommy. She tried at all times to hide her feelings, even though she was so young, but sometimes it was too much for her little heart and she would find someplace dark and secluded to cry by herself. When I found that out, it was the turning point of my life. I followed her into the back bedroom that she had in her aunt's houses at the time, she had been upset by her cousin, who wouldn't let her play on the xbox, but obviously that wasn't the whole problem. All I could do then is sit with her, but I promised myself that I would make her happy somehow. I failed, I could do nothing. Only a couple of weeks later, my darling little girl, my sister or daughter by love if not by any other means, was taken away from us by one woman's sick vengeance and two men's cowardice. She lied because she wanted to hurt us, said that a member of my family was something they weren't, it was never investigated but that didn't make a difference, in this state having lived with and loved someone doesn't mean you have any right to custody over them, even an infant you raised for a year. All it took was one bad word and we had no standing. No hope but to sue the state for the remainder of our natural lives as the attorney general's men blocked our hearing over and over.

>> No.12788   [Delete]   [Edit]

Since then I've become more hateful. I can't stand those who stand up for hollow causes of social justice, when the actual justice system, and our society's understanding of what makes parenthood is so deeply fucked up.

There is no progressive movement in our society, anyone who believes otherwise is a self deluding faggot whom I would shoot without a moment's hesitation were we in a state of nature. I suppose that's what scares me about myself. Not that I would kill people, if I did I would have post shooting trauma like nobody's business because I have always feared to break the rules. But I WANT to kill people. I would have no real remorse for the act. It isn't even that I hate them as individuals, I try to forgive even the people that hurt me, but it doesn't change the consequences of their lives, their continuing crime, the kind of thing that society sees in mass murderers and responds with gas chambers and lethal injection.

I've only had two significant relationships with women. The first one was with a very shy girl, we went on one date which she didn't want to admit was a date later on during which I didn't really make any moves or show much affection, then a few weeks later she refused to admit she didn't want to go out with me but kept finding excuses, a few weeks after that I forced her to actually reject me properly but she wasn't sincere so I was very confused. She kept avoiding the subject by talking about how much stress she had from school so I never really gave up hope and tried to be as good a friend as I could for her. Couple months later the second person I had ever loved told me she couldn't be my friend anymore. On her birthday. After I gave her a card I made with a poem with an obtuse nonthreatening metaphor. She made me feel like a rapist or something, I never forgave myself.

After that I decided the innocent shy type wasn't for me, too ignorant of the world, how could they understand sincere love if they had never experienced pain. One of the problems with the first girl I dated was that neither of us had a normal expectation for dating so we couldn't ever decide what to do. What I needed was someone who shared my deeply cynical nature who could therefore wish to be innocent and accept a relationship of simple affection without many pretenses or complications like sex or whatever.

I asked out one of my old friends, after talking to her for two hours in a Socratic fashion about the nature of cynicism and innocence to confirm my hypothesis. We were still just friends though. I didn't know how to even try to be affectionate, the only affection I had ever given was for someone who had given her innocent affection without any care for social situation or future or whatever. She reviled that it was only the "cute" way I asked her out with a two hour Socratic dialogue that really got her to date me. I didn't see her for a while, then we had some time before class together for a whole quarter and by the end of that time I had asked her out again. Turns out she isn't interested at all in dating anyone until she graduates from college. She decided this after doing one of those bizarre last chance deals women do, picking some straw-man horrible frat guy and dumping him after a week. The worst part is the reasons she gave for not wanting to go out with me were all things that I loved about her like "I don't want to get into a sexual relationship", "I'm not into things like making out", and whatever. I don't know, maybe her constant almost maddening acceptance of my ideas were really just ignorance and complacency. Perhaps on the other hand women just can't fall in love for such logical reasons as shared interest, intellectual rapport, common goals for the future. The really cynical way to interpret the situation, especially considering she was willing to date some frat puke, is simply that women aren't attracted to nonthreatening men who can promise them security, despite what they may say to the contrary.

Whatever, I don't remember what dating is even for now. I miss my daughter.

>> No.12790   [Delete]   [Edit]

Did someone take anon's loli away? D:

Please tell another story. :<

>> No.12792   [Delete]   [Edit]


>> No.12793   [Delete]   [Edit]

Killing people is anons job.

>> No.12794   [Delete]   [Edit]


But... but... ;_; I just wanted to be cool like you guys :(

>> No.12795   [Delete]   [Edit]

i drink my problems away with scotch whiskey.

>> No.12803   [Delete]   [Edit]

you talk about anger venting, but it's more like whining.

>> No.12804   [Delete]   [Edit]
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>> No.12822   [Delete]   [Edit]

I am a troll who likes trolling people. Makes me feel better about myself.

Last edited by moderator 10/06/24(Thu)12:06.

>> No.12831   [Delete]   [Edit]
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>> No.16449   [Delete]   [Edit]
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I find I never really need to vent, because I never build up hate. I just seethingly loathe humanity constantly, and have dreams about holding up airports or robbing banks. Sometimes I vvonder if my dreams are other peoples nightmares.

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